Eight Out of Ten

My son and I were talking the other day about his Senior retreat that’s coming up in a few weeks. As we discussed the details, he mentioned he already knows what the purpose of the retreat is.

He explained that many of his friends attended already, and he took the opportunity to ask them about their experiences. The central theme is that everyone has problems, and you aren’t alone.

I took a chance in the moment to ask him if he had any problems, and he quickly answered, “Not really.”

My response was shock and awe. Here is a kid who had a cardiac arrest, has a diagnosis where he can no longer play competitive sports, has a pacemaker and he’s telling me he doesn’t really have any problems?

His response clearly didn’t fit the story I was telling myself about his life, so I kept inquiring. I said, “Ok you don’t really have any problems, but how would you rate your overall life on a sale of 1-10?”

Ten being the best life, one the worst.

He said, “An eight.”

My eye’s bulged out of my head. After a cardiac arrest, hospitalization, diagnosis, surgery, and no competitive sports, this kid rated his life close to perfect.

I told him I was surprised and proud of him for thinking like that.

Life takes unexpected turns. It's just a fact. No one expects their child to have a diagnosis and go through extra life difficulties.

As parents we can only do so much for our kids when these challenges happen because the difficulties aren’t happening to us.

The best way to support your child is to learn how to navigate your own emotional baggage about the diagnosis.

In the story about my son rating his life an eight, clearly by my reaction I thought he would rate his life lower. I feel sick admitting that on paper, but it’s true.

This was a wakeup call as a parent. I am projecting my fears and anxiety into my parenting.

The good news is, my reality couldn’t be more different.

My son rated his life an 8 out of 10.

That is something to ponder as I learn to navigate and thrive on this tricky parenthood journey.

For goodness sakes if he’s living his best life, why wouldn’t I?

Much love,

Americ